Blogged . Finally blogged . It's been so long since I last wanted or perhaps feel like blogging . Tbh , it's her again . I've no idea what's gotten into me . Nobody has ever made me feel this insecure and this bad about myself , NEVER . Whatever .
5 months of holiday is really killing me . Well , I'm actually handling 2 different part time jobs , how tough . Well actually , not very tough la . One of my part time work has been put to a stop temporary , until poly reopens . I've never wanted school to start so badly . I've never wanted to make new friends so badly ..
Just to ask , have you ever felt so bad about yourself that you wanna pretend to be good about yourself to show others that you feel good about yourself ? YES . Every single time I feel bad about myself , it doesn't last long . But this time round , it's different . It's been bugging me for 5 months , though it's not long , but it's torturing , really torturing . It's like , you know it'll last longer , but you'll never be good enough . It's like whatever you do is just not right . You've tried this , you've tried that , but things don't turn out well . Fuck this shit .
The amount of insecurities I feel this time round is high , super high . All I could think off is losing that someone I dearly love . No matter how much assurance I've got , no matter how much trust I've put in , that insecurities just couldn't get off me . It's torturing . But I believe one day I'll not feel anything anymore , because I'm just so used to the torture that it's not torturing anymore , but instead feel like a routine . I just hope that day where I don't feel anything will come .
That's why I'm learning to be all that you want , all that you need .
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