Heartbreak

Truly indeed . Tears . For some , it's rare , for some it's common . As for me , tears are rare , however if I care too much , tears become more than common . I can cry for the slightest things , even like moodswings .

If only I was wise enough to make the right choices previously , I wouldn't be how I'm feeling right now . When one does not have a taste of perfection , one does not expect perfection . Well , I've had the taste of perfection , probably a short-term one , but a sweet one . With this , I expect perfection from everyone . What's my defination of perfection ? Simple . Giving in to me . I was way out of hand previously I suppose ? People give in to me as and when I asked for it . Parents , friends , cousins , siblings , love ones . As long as I ask for it , they'll have to give in to me . If not , they'll face my attitude until they give in to me . This is how stubborn I was ..

 Now ? Nah , I gotta change . I've met someone who's not willing to put up with my stubborness . Not entirely not willing , but only willing when it's necessary . This ' training ' for me is tough , very tough . How can I change just like this ? Our characters ain't perfect , not even close to good . We are both hot tempered . So how ? It's like , no matter what I do , it's really never enough .. No matter how hard I try to calm down , not get angry , not throw tantrums , I just break down . Yes , I don't throw tantrums to you often , because I can't . And throwing tantrums WAS my way of getting things done , but not now . I am lost . I've no idea how to handle situations when things don't go my way . All I'm doing right now is bottling everything up , and break down every now and then .

Okay . It's not entirely your fault , or my fault , or anybody's . It's just .. If not for what happened previously , I wouldn't know what losing my love ones feel like . If not for what happened previously , I wouldn't know what being hurt by my love ones feel like . If not for what happened previously , I probably wouldn't turn out the way I am .. Sometimes , I really question myself , is this right ? But then again , insecure . I doubt my decisions , but then doubt my doubts . I'm confused , troubled and lost . I seem fine everytime , but honestly , I don't feel like doing anything .. I just don't . I just wanna lie down , physically dead , not moving , but mentally running crazily . I just wanna think about life everytime I lie down . I just wanna know what I'm doing right now is right . I just need assurance .

People change . Everyone grew up in a different background , and unfortunately , I've got what I wanted too much that I gotta pay back in this way . I've learned it the hard way , not the hardest yet , but I don't wish the hardest to come . All I need is time , please , please be patient with me . I'm not that complicated as I seem . I seem complicated outside , but all I want is simple . Time . I need lots and lots of quality time with the ones I love . Sadly , what you lack is time . I need time to adjust to all these , 5 months ain't long . I've not yet adapted to this . Workplace ? Like I said , I'm still the old me . I practice 2 personailites at 2 different places . It's with you when I can break down like how I did , and I've got to put up a strong front . It's tiring . I'm sorry . Give me some time .