Fuck this

Twitting is not enough for me. Or maybe I shouldn't even be twitting at all. All I want is for you to see, not the whole world. But I don't wanna tell you straight through whatsapp because it will means I'm waiting for a reply, and implying for a huge quarrel.

After 4 days of 8h shift, I'm exhausted. Never have I once worked so hard in my life. Never. I'm really at the edge, trying to grab on to something, trying to motivate myself or to reward myself.. I have nothing. Really.. My colleagues... I don't even know if they like working with me. Sometimes they made me feel like I'm actually hindering them. But how? I need money. My home. I have no company. At this hour, who's there to listen to my day? Who's there to listen to my wonderful story or complains that I couldn't share during work. What about all the funny encounters? Who's there to laugh with me? So what if I have 2 sisters, where are they? I do not have the normal siblings relationship. Mine is long distance. We're not that close to share our problems. My mom, 90% of the time she will nag and lecture rather than listening and comforting me. You? All of the time you'll just entertain me with that few vocabulary of yours. 'Really?', 'Very tired ah?'', 'Rest early'' things like that. Wtf man.... I need company. I need someone whom I can lie beside and do nothing with. Just rest. Rest in silence. But you'll just fall asleep. Your reason is always the same, you don't let me use this, then I sleep lo. I want to sleep, you ask me to go use things... Obviously. I need company, not your physical body. Having your body there doesn't mean I have company. I need your heart there too... Got nobody. But how? I need company..

Fucking tired. Really. You don't know how it's like to be me. Someone who's lonely since I'm born. I constantly need attention because I couldn't get it since young. I cry in school, get bullied. Who's ever there to comfort me? There are many things that led me to who I am today. You too. I know. You are the one that's constantly being showered with love because you're the only guy. That is why you don't need my attention at all. My love is redundant. My attention towards you is unnecessary. You only wanna do things your way because people will always notice you. I can't. I have to fight for it. When I fight for it, people find me annoying. So I try to be like you, just ignore, thinking that the attention will come. But people seem to be fine without me. So how? Fight or don't fight also wrong.

Why do I constantly want you to be with me? Because I feel that you're the only one who really understands me. But why are you the one who's hurting me the most. You know I need you there all the time, but you choose to go out all the time. When I get angry, you start to say that I don't give you freedom. That's just me.  But I can never go to you...... You understand me the most.. But you're not me... Say the same back to me. It's alright. I'm just a nobody. My words mean nothing, my existence is a nuisance.

Loving you was my mistake. Maybe you should just go back to N. I'm not good enough for you. Not good enough for anybody.

A day at Sentosa

I've always wanted to visit the trick eye museum after seeing all those incredible pictures taken by my friends. Always seeing them on my instagram and twitter makes me want to have a look at it myself, but there's always so many excuses and reason that's holding me back. 'Queue to long', 'wait for promotions la', 'nobody is free', blah blah and stuff. You get it.

We went to the trick eye museum to celebrate Jeremy's birthday. Thanks to him, I finally got the chance to visit it myself!! Cheers. Our time slot was at 4.45pm, the last group for that time slot.

 FINALLY!!!

The queue wasn't as long as I expected it to be, I guess because everyone has already seen enough ): We went at 4.40 to 'take attendance' and can entered shortly at let's say 4.45 sharp?

It actually isn't as fascinating to take the pictures compared to seeing the pictures. When I first entered, everything seems so WOW. And then I go 'Chey, so this is how they take the pictures la'. We took a lot of pictures, but I guess I will just be putting a few.

Silly boy wants to kiss the mannequin so much. Passionate much XD He's actually willing to take so many pictures for me on that day than I can imagine. The mood that day was great! Everything went according to plans, I laughed so badly. It's just a day that doesn't come so easy for me.

Look real or not?! Nicely taken! ^^ Love this picture a lot.

That mannequin behind, I went to hug it and took a picture but I look so stupid I just had to delete it away. Don't even know why I did that. It really is tiring to take so many pictures at once. Models and idols, I salute you.

Well, not realistic. If only I'm that intimidating to him in reality, that'll make my life a whole lot easier and more relaxed! But cute la, cute. Always want to me to say that he's cute...

I'm floating!! Or flying? This sums up the first part of my Sentosa trip that day!

Moving on.....

LUGEEEEEEEEEE!!

We went for the package consisting of 3 luge rides and 3 skyrides. Man, it was mind blowing. I swear I can go for as many times my body can handle because it was a hell load of fun. The tickets are inexpensive, going at about $25? If my brain is reliable at 3 in the morning :/

Skyride shots! I was so afraid that I'll drop my phone on to the grass LOL. Never knew using a monopod can be so scary!! The view up there is beautiful. Not the spectacular beautiful or magnificent beautiful, but a really calm and nice beautiful.

After a few shots, I took a deep breath at the sight that I'm experiencing. Sitting there and wondering, who knows I can be here, sitting with my love ones, laughing and joking when mom always saying no to rides that we have to purchase tickets. I love my friends la. Always bringing me to places, opening my eyes ^^

This isn't some expensive shit as I've mentioned above. It's inexpensive but the feeling it gives me is priceless. I am not trying to exaggerate here but I actually feel alive on this damn thing. It's a slow ride up to the luge place but it soothes me. Simple. I wanna feel peace.

Hell yeahhhhhhhhhhhh! The tag line for luge is 'once is never enough'. Oh how true is this. I've played it 3 times and I wanna do it again. The speed, racing with my friends. Damn it is fun. Why don't they sell these at stores like toys r us, lol!!

The luge have to paths for you to choose from. You start at this point with everybody but as you proceed on, the road splits into 2, ending at the same place though. So it's better to purchase packages that gives you more than 2 tries.

Before I forget, Ben and I got this Korean corn ice cream thingy which I forgot it's name. Goldfish memory...

That yellow candy cane like thing is made of corn. Supposedly, 100% corn. They fill the inner part of the corn in vanilla ice cream. Hmmmm Daebak.

Final product (: The ice cream is nice but the corn a bit hard ah. I had a hard time biting it off because it's too thick... And I didn't finish it ): What a waste, too much for me already. I wanted to just share, sigh..

Well, that's the end of my Sentosa trip. We went back to Ben's place and officially celebrated Jeremy's birthday!!

As you can see, it is a chocolate cake from durian empire. Weird much. Well there's a story to this.

His girlfriend wanted to order the cake without him knowing, so she had to lie saying that she wants to use the toilet. While she was there flipping through, selecting the cake, that Jeremy just have to rush her, keep on texting 'eh faster leh, why you so slow?'

So the girlfriend saw this cake with the chocolate fudge outside, assuming that there will be durian filling because durian cake is Jeremy's fav. Viola, it's filled with chocolate. How's that?

Happy 19th birthday army boy!!! We've came a long way now. Last long and enjoy your time in there ya!!!

There's actually another photo of him blowing out the candles but he told me to delete it so... oh man

Ending off with this picture idk why. LOL!

Even though it was a day to celebrate Jeremy's birthday, I am still very thankful for a day filled with laughter and joy ^^

Palm reading

Recently, I started working at a warehouse handling computer parts.

I've met a lot of weird people, tiko, nice people, etc.

So today someone I know happened to know a little bout palm reading. I was so excited about it, I opened both hands to him straightaway. The results weren't exactly what I'd expected.

I always wanted to get married and have my first child before the age of 25. I always dream of having my kind of husband....

This is what he said.

Firstly, I am a very stubborn person. This is true, I am extremely stubborn and I only settle for things that's done my way, unless it's doing something else for the person I love. With this point, I move on to the next thing he said.

Secondly, you treat your husband/boyfriend very well. Indeed, I show my love and care through my actions, expecting the same or more from him. This second point shows that he is on the right track, not bluffing.

Third, you don't have guy siblings right? Yes, this is true. So he added, I'll be cheated by guys my whole life... So far.. Yes. I had to admit, but yes. They always claim that I don't trust them, but I realise I'm always being lied to. Especially third party. Why? I don't get it. Fuck my damn palm.

Forth, your fingers saved you. You bring luck to your husband/boyfriend. Do I?

Fifth, you want to get married before 25? Wait till you reach 24 then say. Wait till you have at least 3 more relationships. Go through more heartbreaks first. No, this is absolutely not what I wanted.. Damn fuck.

Sixth, because you're very stubborn, you don't know when to give up when it comes to love. What is this? Hint? This wasn't true until now. And I don't like how it's true now. Why can't I let go like flowing water? He said, this is my strength, but also my GREATEST weakness.

I'm gonna find out more since he told me he still has one more secret for me later. If it's shitty news like this again, I really will cry eh.

I want to ask him, should I heed friend's advise more often? If yes, a lot of my problems have been solved already. No worries, no fret. Everything solved, life is smooth again. But it's that hard to let go shit that's bothering me..

I miss you so much.